After reading this intriguing interview I found online today, I was surprised by how little of an effect this type of sad truth has on me at this point in my life. I think this article continues to support my beliefs that black love, and black unity is just about dead. Maybe if Obama wins the presidency it will make a cultural shift in the way many in the African American community see themselves and each other and we can bring back some true pride to our culture. Here are some excerpts for the article.
“There’s a phenomenon sweeping the African American community: Black men traveling to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic for sex. A new book Don’t Blame It on Rio: The Real Deal Behind Why Men Go to Brazil for Sex (Grand Central Publishing, April 2008) by Jewel Woods and Karen Hunter attempts to get to the heart of this issue and show that it’s bigger than “getting some.” More than Words spoke with Woods who also founded the Renaissance Male Project, a nonprofit advocacy and accountability organization for men and boys. Check out this eye-opening, eyebrow-raising interview with Woods about sex, love, and the widening divide between African American men and women.”
“More than Words: The idea for Don’t Blame it on Rio stemmed from the question, “Are black women necessary?” What factors contributed to this point in time when such a question even exists?
Jewel Woods: To be specific, the question “Are black women necessary?” was the direct result of what many men were asking or raising explicitly. In a broader sense, the question is rooted in the social facts that we are all aware of regarding the decline in marriage, the high rates of divorce and separation, the disproportionate rates of inter-racial marriage, and so on. However, most discussions about black men, marriage and relationships focus on poor and working poor men and their inability to be providers or the “strain” of not being able to assume traditional roles within the family. Very few discussion look at the group of black men with stable jobs or the group commonly referred to as the Love Jones Cohort that are increasingly single and living alone to examine what their issues are with building and sustaining long term relationships.
So taking a more expansive view, the question “Are black women necessary?” seeks to address the question: If men are not thinking of black women as partners, spouses, or as being in long term relationships, then what are they thinking of black women as? More importantly, what attitudes, belief systems, and values will replace the historical roles women played in men’s lives?”
“MTW: For those who aren’t aware of the phenomenon that your book addresses, can you provide a quick overview?
JW: In a very real sense, the book is about how Brazil has become the new “North” representing “freedom and liberation” in the minds and imaginations of many black men. In particular, the book is about why some of the most coveted and accomplished men in the African American community are increasingly taking physical, and often emotional, and psychological trips away from America and from black women. In the book, middle class and profession black men talk candidly about what they feel like they are denied in America by whites and from women, and how important their experiences and their interactions with women from other cultures becomes in their lives. The book looks at various aspects of black men’s lives to see how black men and women got to this point and what the implications are for our community. In general, the book examines the complexity and contradictions of black men by exploring the burgeoning phenomenon of sex tourism in Brazil and other locations.
MTW: How is this phenomenon affecting the African American community?
JW: Professionals that work with families will say that in many instances, the involvement of a third party can help decrease anxiety between two parties by spreading that tension through a third relationship. That’s why a therapist or a clinician can be helpful to dissipate some of the tension and anxiety that emerges among couples. The problem with Brazil as the third party in the relationship between black men and women, is that as a country, and/or as the other women, Brazil is casting a shadow that is so large in the minds and imaginations of black men that it is unleashing emotional forces that don’t allow men to see what their true issues are. So while Brazil may allow black men to let off steam about what they feel about America and black women, it also freezes those issues in place by not requiring that they deal with issues. As a result, black men and women appear to be caught in this emotional, cultural, sexual triangle with Brazil serving as the backdrop.
In the short run, what appears to happen after men take these trips, is that they come back with new perspectives on relationships, on sex and sexuality, on America, on other black men, and certainly on black women. In the long run we don’t know yet how the black community will be affected by the experiences men have overseas. In fact, it may be quite a while before we can fully assess the depth and impact of this phenomenon. Overall, I believe this phenomenon is affecting men by providing a safety valve for them to hide issues that they have in their relationships with black women in America. For women, these experiences overseas create a powerful alternative to the very idea of black women and their role in long term relationships in men’s lives. There has never been a time when black women were considered a-sexual or frigid and it not be attributed to their age. Similarly, there has never been a time when a group of women who were “neither black nor white” could capture the image of beauty so completely the way that Brazilian women have. Black men do not have to feel guilty by choosing white women. The old adage “Once you go black you never go back” has been replaced with a new adage of “Once you go to Brazil you will have to come back again.”
MTW: What are the most significant reasons why black men are traveling to places like Brazil for sex?
From the Preface of Don’t Blame it on Rio:
At a minimum, black men make trips overseas for physical reasons that include sex. However, many have experienced a level of physical and sexual intimacy, a sort of sexual healing, that they see as lacking in many of their current relationships with black women. They also make these trips for cultural reasons. They describe a deep embrace and recognition to a people, a time and a land that they do not get here in the United States and do not see in black women. Most importantly, these men increasingly travel overseas because of a profound sense of identity that they find and create on these trips. So what they ultimately end up paying for is access to an elite male experience, and intercourse with a set of beliefs and ideas about black manhood that they think are denied to them by black women in America. The problem is that during these journeys, sometimes consciously but also unconsciously, black men are led further away from black women–not just physically, but also emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.JW: In their attempt to understand and sometimes justify their actions, these men also begin to develop some of the most sophisticated, demeaning, and denigrating ideas about black women in the process. The result, many African American men do not see black women in the roles that they did during the times when a commitment to the black family was less volitional. In the end, their conclusion is that black women are no longer necessary.
So the title of the book is very misleading in a way. It is difficult to talk about sex tourism and not mention sex, but the book is much more about sexuality than it is about sex. Consequently, it would be a huge mistake for anybody–especially black women–to assume that men travel overseas just to get their “freak on.” Some men may even argue that it’s all about sex, but it’s not correct. In fact, the belief or attitude that black men travel thousands of miles for what they could easily get here in the U.S. is precisely the contradiction that the book seeks to explore.
So despite the title of the book, I would caution anyone to think that men are guided solely or mainly by their little head, rather than their big head. If nothing else, this book explores two prevalent myths in today’s culture about black men: 1) black men don’t think, and 2) black men don’t talk. On the contrary, most of these men highlighted in this book are deeply reflective, opinionated and articulate about their experiences and beliefs about America and black women. This is one of the main reasons why they are so important, because they create some of the most sophisticated explanations and justifications for their experiences. So to conclude that this is all about sex is to conflate why black men feel conflicted in America and in their relationships with black women in the first place, and to ignore the reasons why men continue to go back year after year, sometimes re-locating there.
Finally, I believe that it is less painful to believe that men travel thousands of miles for sex, than it is to consider that these physical trip overseas actually reflect something more substantial, like the possibility of a more emotional, psychological, and spiritual trip away from black women. However, this is exactly why these men’s stories in the book should not be easily dismissed or discarded.
MTW: What do black men feel like they’re not getting from black women at home?
JW: The dilemma is that part of what men feel like they are not getting from black women is also connected with what they feel like they are not getting from America as well.
Based on some of the things that men discuss in the book, many men feel like they are not getting a chance to be seen as individuals by black women. Either because of the past histories that black women had with other men that was the source of their pain or frustration, or because of the fact that because these men are now a part of a class that has supposedly “made it,” they feel like they are idealized or objectified.
Men also seem to feel like they are not getting the type of physical and emotional care that they think they need and deserve. For a class of black men that work at some of the highest levels of America there is a feeling that they want peace in their household. I point out in the chapter “She Acts Like A Man” that men may confuse peace with submission, but there is a sense that black men want their homes to be different than their work environment. In other areas, black men seem to want black women to be physically smaller, they want black women to be more exploratory in their sexuality and a host of other things.”
I think without realizing it , the author of this book brings to our attention just how broken and screwed up we are as a race, and our men are becoming less and less useful to US, not the other way around. Most Brazilians will admit to you in a heartbeat that their exotic looks and body is mostly due to the fact that they are mulatto’s with BLACK blood. This is the same as white men traveling to Asia so they can buy $5 whores and underage girls for sexual thrills. Yet white women are safe from the fears that we black women have because society has always put them on a pedestal.
I have always dated black and white men, and I have no regrets about it. I find myself attracted more to white men much more lately because their more exciting, open minded, intellectually curious, and I don’t have to hear the sad stories of baby mama drama, money woes, and legal troubles. Plus, let’s be honest, if your an independent, intelligent, and attractive black women, there simply aren’t enough quality black men left that you can relate to, unless you choose to pull a Karrine Steffans (aka Supahead) and become their caretaker., and the ones that are qualified usually wants to “upgrade” to women of other races other than their own. I am sure many successful black men feel the same way, the problem is many of the brothas you see dating non-black women aren’t all successful, educated, or some kind of brilliant man. They are just regular joes who let society make their decisions on who and what kind of women is considered attractive.
Times are changing and the demise of our racial unity is clear and evident. I am begging all black women to open their minds and start thinking about happiness, security, health, love, trust, and respect. You can easily find this with a brother or a white man, if your patient, stop having so many kids too soon, open your mind emotionally and culturally, and make yourself independently secure without expecting a man to do it for you. Don’t be shy and insecure about dating ourside of your race, and don’t be afraid to demand more of yourself as a black woman. I am incredibly disappointed in black men but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love, honor, and respect them also. If you think that I am bitter and just making this up just take a look around and see this NOT a trend and becoming mainstream and common. Deal with it girlfriend.
ENTIRE 2 PART INTERVIEW & SOURCE
