I found this article today and tried to be fair about my judgement of this woman before I finished the article. Basically, a hispanic mother of 5 adopts a black baby, tries to bond with the baby over the course of 18 months and realizes that she isn’t able to bond with the baby ..fine so far right? Well guess what…she is blaming herself and she is also blaming the BABY for the reason why she wasn’t bonding with her new child! She says “the baby shares some of the responsibility for this lack of bonding” . How can an innocent little baby be responsible for anything?

See I really hate to cry racism in a situation like this, because I truly DO NOT think a hispanic woman who choses to adopt a black child would have any level of racist tendencies, especially towards a baby. So explain to me how you can easily raise 5 latin children , but cannot handle a tiny black baby ? Was she not prepared for the cultural shock of raising a black child in a hispanic family? Maybe she isn’t strong enough to handle the stares and the double takes she may be getting from her community.. Or maybe she just realized she was in over her head..either way, I am very disgusted by her openly adding blame to the BABY for her issue with it!

What makes me even angrier is that there are many women (white of course) who “admire” her honesty and don’t think she is wrong to do this..I wonder if they would feel the same way if the baby was white, and after 18 months she gave the baby back and blamed it for not bonding with her. I think this is very suspect and maybe she just wanted to be like Angelina Jolie too much and figured out you can’t fake love for a black child. I can tell you Angelina loves her kids, you can see it on her face , but this woman is weak, and that child is better off without her sorry butt. Read the story and watch the video ….

The “Today” show on NBC did a shocking segment on Anita Tedaldi, “a woman who adopted a child and then gave him up 18 months later.” Tedaldi is a writer who originally told this story on The New York Times’ Motherlode blog.

She and her husband have five biological children and decided that they wanted more. After going through the approval process, she was able to adopt a baby who was found by the side of a road. Despite her pre-adoption belief that she would “be able to parent this little boy the same way I had done with my biological daughters,” she terminated the adoption after 18 months.

Because she couldn’t bond with him, she said.

Asked by Matt Lauer what this means, Tedaldi was somewhat vague and did manage to blame the baby. “It went both ways,” she said in the interview. “The child, D., wasn’t connecting with us.”

What on earth is she talking about? Without giving us particulars, we’re left to wonder what went on in that house for a year-and-a-half? Was Baby D. not a hugger? Did he not smile? What does it mean exactly that an infant is not bonding with his mother?

Lauer really missed the boat by not pressing this question. And Tedaldi, but averting a direct explanation, only adds to the frustration and creates more questions.

Writing about the story, “Today” correspondent Natalie Morales thinks that we shouldn’t be too quick to judge the woman. Many commenters on the “Today” show Web site agree.

But what no one is saying is that ultimately this story is about the one thing that it shouldn’t be about — Anita Tedaldi. One of the not-discussed-enough aspects of the mommy blogosphere is how often it becomes All About Mom. This story is a classic case of that.

Not only did Tedaldi give back a baby she had decided to adopt, she actually says that the baby shares some of the responsibility for this lack of bonding. Is it possible that it’s just damn hard to raise a baby when you already have a house full of children? And that Tedaldi didn’t realize this until the child arrived?

Explain it to us, lady. What happened?

Ironically, Tedaldi used to feel the same way we did, and wrote a column for Military.com called “We Can’t Trade In Our Children or Husbands” back in January 2008. (Military.com has pulled the piece, but the Adoption Talk blog has some of the text.) Now that she has had this experience, she feels differently

Hey, no harm no foul, right?

But there is harm. There is a baby involved here.

In the original Times blog, Tedaldi wrote that she “wasn’t connecting with [the baby] on the visceral level I experienced with my biological daughters.”

Perhaps that was part of the problem? She wanted to duplicate her parenting experience with her older kids frame-for-frame. We have no way of knowing unless we hear details.

Many are praising this mom for her honesty. We can’t help but wonder how much of the story she decided not to share with the world.

What do you think?

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