Tamron is like the Halle Berry of news anchors. Everyone wants to ‘do’ her, so I am stunned she would go for a guy who is clearly old enough to be her dad! I am also hearing that Lawrence used to date hottie Kerry Washington??? Man, this old white dude has some kind of swagger to get these beautiful, younger black women! Do your thang Lawerence!

According to the NY Post

MSNBC anchors Lawrence O’Donnell and Tamron Hall have a romance spicing up off set. The single “Last Word” host, 60, has been quietly dating the pretty midday anchor and rising star at the network for months.

The duo have kept their relationship low-profile in the studio but have been spotted canoodling at downtown haunts. O’Donnell, a “West Wing” producer who has a daughter with ex-wife Kathryn Harrold, was linked to actress Kerry Washingtonin 2008. MSNBC declined to comment.

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I have nothing against interracial unions,  I support love being colorblind and gender blind, but as an African-American woman it is hard to explain why black celebrities just seem to be simply allergic to women who look like them. If you notice it seems to be only the black guys who do this in sports more commonly than all other races combined. Can anyone say “self hatred?” It’s sad that a black celebrity actually marrying a black woman is newsworthy, but it is, especially in the world of white women obsessed professional sports.

If you want to leave nasty comments about how evil I am for stating this, just take a day or 2 to gather a list of 5 CURRENTLY relevant black athletes in football and basketball who are currently dating or married to actual black women. Just name 5, who are famous and actually still playing , not from the past. Then we will talk. Again, when I say relevant I mean people who are currently playing and famous and not some nobody no one has ever heard of. I promise you it doesn’t exist. Here is the story about this happy couple…..

Story From ThePostGame.com

Can LeBron James win a ring in style? We’ll find out. Can he present a ring in style? Yes. The King topped off a New Year’s Eve and birthday celebration Saturday by getting engaged.

James, 27, proposed to longtime girlfriend Savannah Brinson, the mother of his two children, at SL Nightclub in Miami. The two have been together since James was a national prep star at St. Vincent-St. Mary in Akron, Ohio. The couple’s two boys are LeBron, Jr. and Bryce, age 7 and 4, respectively.

The engagement came just a week after Michael Jordan popped the question to Yvette Prieto, making it a popular stretch for basketball icons to get hitched.

The news was immediately followed by a host of Twitter jokes.

We’ll refrain from that and simply congratulate the happy couple. Between the end of the lockout, the birthday, and the proposal, LeBron certainly had a great fourth quarter … of 2011

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When she revealed her pregnancy at the VMA’s, Beyonce made headlines without saying a single word. Now, the pop superstar tells her side of the story, from fashion to music to how she balances work and family.
Typically, when a celebrity announces a pregnancy, a team of publicists and managers is consulted, deals are struck, and photos are carefully leaked. But all it took for Beyoncé to reveal her baby news was a little belly rub at the MTV Video Music Awards this past August—a move that nearly caused the Twittersphere to implode, with tweets about it going out at 8,868 per second, a record for the social-networking site.

That’s not to say that it wasn’t a carefully planned maneuver: “I put a lot of thought into how I wanted to unveil it. It was important to me that I was able to do it myself,” Beyoncé explains. The orange Lanvin caftan she wore for the big moment was the last of an epic near-70 gowns she considered. “I was extremely nervous. It was the toughest red carpet I ever did.

“I didn’t want a crazy picture or gossip story to break the news,” she continues, “so I decided to say nothing and proudly show my baby bump. I felt it was more powerful to see the love and enthusiasm as opposed to saying anything.”

That love and enthusiasm were fully in evidence as Beyoncé hit New York Fashion Week in September with her little sister, Solange. Forget the clothes on display, “Babyoncé” was in the house—front and center under a belted gold sequined wrap dress. After causing a flash mob of fans at J. Crew, the Beyoncé caravan made its way to the front rows of Vera Wang and Rodarte.

“This morning, I woke up and I was like, ‘Really? A fashion show?’ But I wanted to spend time with my sister,” Beyoncé says afterward. She is glowing from head to toe following a vacation in Venice with her husband, Jay-Z, to celebrate her 30th birthday—all golden skin, honey-blonde-streaked hair, and a bright smile glossed a tawny hue.

She is reveling in the chance to seek out pieces to complement her new figure and is even at work on a maternity collection to add to the House of Deréon line she produces with her mother, Tina Knowles. “All I see now are clothes that are flattering on a pregnant woman,” she says. “It’s been so exciting for me! I love figuring out designs that still make me feel edgy and sexy while pregnant. Flowy fabrics are always flattering,” she says, “but I still rock my stilettos.

“I’ve had so much fun with fashion over the months,” she adds. “I have been pregnant through every event I’ve done, from the Billboard Awards to Glastonbury.” It helps that her toned curves are still perfectly intact. No Empire waists here: Her maternity wear so far has featured a skin-revealing bodysuit made of metallic string that she wore to the Billboard Music Awards and a gold sequined jacket over the tiniest of black briefs that she rocked at the Glastonbury festival. She’s not slowing down her dance moves either, or her trademark hair whipping, which never seems to disturb a strand. “I’m not sure it looks perfect after two hours on stage,” she says, laughing, “but the fans I use to keep cool also do double duty for my hair.”

Famous since her teen years, Beyoncé has morphed into a full-fledged fashion icon who gives designers starry eyes. Long gone are the days when showrooms wouldn’t lend to the young Destiny’s Child singer from Houston; now she visits Azzedine Alaïa himself in his Paris atelier and poaches from his archive. (He listens to her music every day and can even dance the steps to her “Single Ladies” routine.)

“Her music is invigorating; it really brightens my mood and fires my imagination,” Alaïa says. “Beyoncé is a beautiful, elegant woman who is also a wonderful dancer. And her voice is sublime. Just like her husband, Jay-Z, Beyoncé has real talent. They are both the kind of truly great artist who will be remembered by history. Their child will be lucky to have such talented parents.”

“She doesn’t have the body of a typical model, but she inspires the designers,” says her creative director, Jenke-Ahmed Tailly, a stylist who has been working with her for nearly a year and makes mood boards for every new look. “Givenchy is made for Beyoncé,” gushes Riccardo Tisci, who designed a couture gown seen in the video for “Run the World [Girls],” the first single from Beyoncé’s latest album, 4. “I cannot wait for her to give birth for two reasons,” he continues. “First, because I love her and Jay-Z—they are so happy together—and second, because I want to have goose bumps when I see her back in Givenchy.”

“Beyoncé is a force,” adds Tom Ford, for whom she modeled in his celeb-packed Spring 2011 show, a major salvo in her high-fashion assault. “She radiates positive energy. That is what true stars do. You feel it when you are around her, you feel it when you see her perform, you feel it when she sings, and you feel it when she looks you in the eyes and smiles.”

As for her current fashion inspirations, Beyoncé says, “I love Kate Moss. I think she has great style. And I always admire Victoria Beckham and Gisele [Bündchen]. Their style is modern but always classic.” Her longtime stylist Ty Hunter helps her put together ensembles even for her days off, and she and her team are considering hiring hot street-style photographer Tommy Ton to shoot behind the scenes. She’s also an online shopping junkie. “I spend too much money shopping on the Internet!” she moans.

She and close friend Gwyneth Paltrow could probably talk fashion all day, but “our best times have been when we are just sitting around in sweatpants, having a glass of wine, chatting about life,” Paltrow says. “B is wise beyond her years. She has taught me the value of speaking your mind. She is clear and honest and true to herself while being respectful. She will be an incredible mother because she is so full of love and she knows who she is.”

Beyoncé has already had plenty of practice with Paltrow’s children, Moses and Apple, and Solange’s son, Daniel Julez. “With my kids she is easy and fun,” Paltrow says. “They know that she is interested in them, and they can tell when a grown-up is faking.” She’s even taken Daniel, now seven years old, on a weeklong trip to Paris alone. “It was so cute. He was so happy,” says Solange. “She took him to Disneyland and to toy stores and carnival rides. She did the whole entire experience with him; she’s so incredibly patient. She’s going to be a phenomenal mother, there’s no question about it.”

Family comes first for Beyoncé, who, despite 18-hour work days, still squeezes in manicure trips with her sister. “She has always—since I was a baby—been such a nurturer and caretaker and so protective of me,” says Solange. Beyoncé agrees: “If you want to see the Third Ward Texas come out in me, disrespect my sister, and I will go completely crazy on you.” She’s only kind of kidding.

Like everything that Beyoncé undertakes—from her fragrances to her starring role in Clint Eastwood’s upcoming remake of A Star Is Born—this next step into motherhood has been deliberately thought out. “It was important to me that I gave myself time to focus on becoming the woman I want to be, building my empire, my relationship, and my self-worth, before I became a mother,” she says. “Now God has blessed us with the ultimate.”

She and Jay-Z are a deeply committed and extremely private couple, just as happy grabbing pizza in Brooklyn as they are yachting around the Mediterranean. “We have been together since I was 20 years old,” she says. “We took our time and developed an unbreakable friendship before we got married. I admire his ability to inspire others. To me, Jay represents the American dream. Jay’s music has helped define our generation. All that he has overcome and worked to achieve gives millions hope that they can become whatever they want to be. I respect him so much; he is a great man and a great artist.”

In a rare moment of candor about their relationship, she continues: “We focused three years on our marriage and found that it brought us an even stronger bond and connection. But like anything great and successful in your life, marriage takes hard work and sacrifice. It has to be something both you and your husband deeply want. The best thing about marriage is the amount of growth you have because you can no longer hide from your fears and insecurities. There’s someone right there calling you out on your flaws and building you up when you need the support. If you are with the right person, it brings out the best version of you.”

Beyoncé, like her hit single, is ready to run the world. “I am finally at the stage in my life where I am not so concerned with other people’s opinions about my life decisions,” she says. “It is so liberating to really know what I want, what truly makes me happy, what I will not tolerate. I have learned that it is no one else’s job to take care of me but me.” And soon she’ll be taking care of a little B too.

source

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He says he’ll call you, but when the phone doesn’t ring, you think, “OK, maybe it’s too soon to hear from him.” One week later without a text, tweet, email, or call, and you wonder what you did wrong. Why did he disappear after the date that apparently only you thought was great?

Yes, there could be dozens of bizarre turns of events that left him unable to contact you. But that’s probably not the case. To end the suspense, I spoke to men to uncover and share (in their words) some of the most common reasons they don’t call women back after that first date.

I wasn’t ready for a serious girlfriend
“When I first met her, I felt a hot connection with this girl I knew nothing about. During our date, I got to know her better, liked her, and could tell she was really looking for a serious boyfriend. I could sense our expectations were different. I didn’t have the energy to explain to her that I wasn’t looking for my future wife right now, so I just passed.”
— Allan, 27, Westchester, NY

Lesson learned: The woman he wants (eventually) to bring home to mom may not always be the woman he wants to date right now. If the guy in question was just looking for casual dates and you had different expectations (which is a good thing, unless that’s all you wanted in the first place), you are much better off putting your energies elsewhere.

She was too self-absorbed
“She gabbed with me like I was a girlfriend. I guess I made her feel comfortable, since she had no problem telling me the minutiae of her life. She seemed very focused on how she was coming across. I wasn’t feeling it.”
— Bill, 33, Bethesda, MD

Lesson learned: The idea that men are totally focused on a woman’s looks is a big myth. That’s not how building an attraction with someone works. In this area, woman and men are alike. Most men don’t want a self-absorbed woman who’s focused solely on herself — her friends, her job, her hobbies, her goals, etc. Ask him about his life, too. Focus less on making an impression and more on facilitating the best possible connection.

“More than most women realize, men judge a woman less on looks and more on how they feel around her,” says Evan Marc Katz, author of Why He Disappeared. “‘Do I feel attractive? Do I feel masculine? Do I feel funny when she laughs at my jokes?’ Those are the questions he’s asking himself before he calls her again.”

I didn’t want to deal with any confrontation
“Sometimes women get upset when you say it’s not working for you. The attraction we had shared initially faded pretty fast. I don’t know why. She’d probably press me for some logical reason why I asked her out in the first place if the attraction was so iffy. But attraction isn’t created by logic.”
— Chad, 34, Washington, D.C.

Lesson learned: Some men are too immature or scared to be honest and straightforward with a woman about their feelings. The truth is simply that, somewhere along the line, the attraction and connection vanished. Of course, a man’s definition of “confrontation” might be the same as your definition of “friendly, respectful call.” But if he’s scared, he won’t be calling you.

I’m keeping my options open
“I had a good time on the date, but I’m focusing more on another girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks. Who knows, I might change my mind and call.”
— Jack, 38, San Diego, CA

Lesson learned: The timing just wasn’t right for the two of you. He’s otherwise occupied, and it has nothing to do with you or your charms (or lack thereof). Dating can be like musical chairs; your date is simply keeping his options open until the right one presents itself. Always assume that your dates are seeing other people until there’s a mutual agreement about exclusivity. Remember, some men don’t call women back because there’s someone else who’s picking up steam in their dating race.

“While men excel at compartmentalization, women tend to have a more difficult time separating their feelings, so multi-male dating may be a bigger challenge for the female set,” says Kimberly Dawn Neumann, author of The Real Reasons Men Commit.

She was annoying
“She had this annoying habit of throwing her head back when she laughed. It was too hysterical and weird for me.”
— Josh, 29, New York, NY

Lesson learned: Some guys carry the Seinfeld curse; that is, they share George Costanza’s obsession of overly picky and shallow physical or behavioral traits when it comes to their dating lives. In her book, Why He Didn’t Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought About You After Your Date, author Rachel Greenwald notes that 78 percent of women she surveyed believed that a man hadn’t called her back for reasons beyond her control, i.e. the elusive “chemistry” or a career that intimidates men. The truth is that 85 percent of men surveyed felt the opposite. In fact, there were sometimes small and always-specific behaviors women exhibited which ended up being deal-breakers for the guys.

Both men and women can nitpick their dates into obscurity. Ask your closest friends if you have any controllable, attraction-inhibiting habits that warrant adjusting, such as avoiding eye contact when you’re nervous. But if you’re being judged on characteristics you can’t control, don’t spend time obsessing over what you could have done differently. Move on, because the next person will likely have different expectations altogether.

By Dave Singleton

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Ashford, who along with wife Valerie Simpson wrote some of Motown’s biggest hits, died in a New York City hospital, said publicist Liz Rosenberg, who was Ashford’s longtime friend. He had been suffering from throat cancer and had undergone radiation treatment, she told The Associated Press.

Though they had some of their greatest success at Motown with classics like “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and “Reach Out And Touch Somebody’s Hand” by Ross and “You’re All I Need To Get By” by Gaye and Tammi Terrell, Ashford & Simpson also created anthems for others, like “I’m Every Woman” by Khan (and later remade by Whitney Houston). Ashford & Simpson also had success writing for themselves: Perhaps the best-known song they sang was the 1980s hit “Solid As A Rock.”

“His music is unmatched in terms of great songwriting,” Verdine White of Earth, Wind and Fire said after learning of his friend’s death.

“They had magic and that’s what creates those wonderful hits, that magic,” White added. “Without those songs, those artists wouldn’t have been able to go to the next level.”

Others in the music industry also mourned the loss. On Twitter, Alicia Keys wrote, “I’m so sad that he’s gone. … So many of the greatest are going to a greater place … what a legacy of infectious music … man!”

Ashford and Simpson’s relationship stretched more than four decades. They met in 1964 in a New York City church. Ashford, a South Carolina native, had come to the city to pursue a dance career. Simpson was a music student, and after connecting with her, they decided to start to write songs together.

“They were always comfortable with each other and they made all of us comfortable, because they were comfortable,” White said.

Their first major success occurred when they came up with “Let’s Go Get Stoned” for Ray Charles. The bluesy, gospel-tinged song became a huge hit for Charles, and soon, they came to the attention of Motown Records and began penning hits for their artists.

They started out writing soulful, romantic works for the duo of Gaye and Terrell that would become instant classics, like “Your Precious Love,” and “Ain’t Nothin’ Like The Real Thing.” In fact, “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” was originally their hit, until Ross later rerecorded it with a new arrangement that had sweeping pop grandeur and made it her signature song.

Ross may have been their greatest muse: With her, they had some of their biggest songs and helped give her career-defining hits that would distinguish her solo career apart from The Supremes. Among the songs Ross made hits were “Reach Out and Touch,” ”The Boss,” ”My House,” and “Missing You,” a tribute to the late Gaye and others. They also composed some of the music for “The Wiz,” the movie musical that starred Ross and Michael Jackson.

In an industry where marriages and partnerships are fleeting, Ashford and Simpson stood the test of time.

“The thing is they were married and working together, that was what was special about them. Everybody admired that,” White said.

The duo, married for 38 years, helped sell millions of records for several artists. They also had success as their own entity, but despite “Solid As a Rock,” their songs were dwarfed by those they penned for others. They continued to craft hits even into the new millennium: They are credited as co-writers on Amy Winehouse’s “Tears Dry On Their Own.”

In recent years, the pair continued to perform. They also were owners of the New York City restaurant Sugar Bar, where many top names and emerging talents would put on showcases.

In 2002, Ashford & Simpson were inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame.

Ashford is survived by his wife and two daughters. Rosenberg said there is no information yet on funeral arrangements.

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with his baby mama, Alexis. Why is this news you ask? Well I’m curious because Ciara recently confirmed that she and Stoudemire

were a couple when they were photographed leaving the Met Gala’s after party at the Standard Ho
http://hellobeautiful.com/gossip-news/sweet-sweetback/amare-stoudemire-baby-mama-alexis/tel’s Boom Boom Room in May.

Interesting…But you know how it goes, the baby mama will always be in the picture.

Is it me or does Alexis look like Keri Hilson?

Amar’e was also linked to everyone’s favorite groupie Amber Rose.

source

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This is a classic case of a divorce gone really bad. Nas and Kelis’ financial
drama is gettin’ spread across the internet like crazy. Kelis is upset that she can’t afford the Gucci, Prada and Fendi while lounging in a private jet anymore. Pop the hood for more dirty money details
Kelis claims estranged hubby Nas has left her high and dry … not offering her a penny in the wake of her impending birth … and she says she’s broke — “I have run out of money.”

Kelis filed legal papers claiming Nas isn’t paying her support, pre-natal expenses — nothing, even though she claims he is filthy rich.

Kelis is asking the judge to order Nas to pay spousal support, child support, all pregnancy-related expenses, and one-half of all medical expenses after the child is born. She also wants $3,500 for the baby nurse after the child’s birth, and $20,000 for strollers, cribs and other baby supplies.

Kelis says, “My survival is based on [Nas'] will at this time. If he does not want to pay for an expense, it does not get paid.” The couple was married in 2003. The baby is due this month.

Kelis and Nas during better days

Kelis says she’s entitled to maintain the lifestyle to which she became accustomed during their marriage — they have five homes, fly first class, go to fancy restaurants, and on and on. Most interesting — “There were many expensive pieces [of jewelry] such as a princess-cut diamond tennis bracelet that was recently appraised for $190,000. My engagement ring is an approximately nine-carat cushion-cut diamond solitaire. I have numerous watches…such as Cartier, Rolex, Frank Muller and Chopard.”

Nas and KelisHer lawyer, disso-queen Laura Wasser, says in a separate declaration she’s asked Nas to ante up some $$$ for Kelis and the unborn baby but he hasn’t responded. So Nas is supposed to be supplying your luxury lifestyle for the rest of your life? Doesn’t sound right to us. We think she needs to worry about the baby and leave the other bullsh*t behind.

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That’s a lie. The truth is, I attract about the same percentage of available white men my age (and far younger!) now as I did when I was thirtyand that’s not including the unavailable white men who want to play around anyway.

Enough white men want me that I was hardly facing enforced celibacy, but I don’t want them.

I want black men. They want me. We look at one another and exchange a visible frisson of sexual energy in the lingering glances. And our attraction is based first on race. We are not those couples who “happen to fall in love” with someone of a different race or more purposefully come together but out of some greater sense of interracial understanding and respect. Not as politically-correct men and women do we seek one another out. The Internet has made it a lot easier for us to find each other now. Men advertise: ebony seeks ivory. Women write: seeking tall, dark, and handsome. Very dark. We are not the same people who say: Race is not important. It is important to us. We have race-specific desires.

Even in a time when nearly 40 percent of single Americans have dated outside their race, that deliberate seeking of the specific other makes some people, especially black women, damned mad.

We are what they denigrate and castigate: white women and black men who choose one another because of our racial differences. They resent our taking their men. Black men are two and a half times more likely to marry a white woman than a black woman is to marry a white man. Black women can point to that statistic in justifying their wrath. But in truth, black sisters, we’re after the sex, not the ringand these guys aren’t the marrying kind anyway.

Yes, the sex!

The woman who goes after black men is a variant of sex journalist Susie Bright’s “white bitch in heat,” a woman who puts sex first even though women aren’t supposed to do that. According to one school of thought, white women turn to black men when their sex drives kick into higher gear and their social inhibitions recede into the rearview mirror. It’s a “yes, baby, now I’m ready for you” reaction.

When we get to the “yes, baby” place, they know it, and they are ready and waiting for us. Black men have more energy, style and edge than white men. They know how to flirt, a nearly lost art among the rest of us. A black man is so damned sexy because he knows how to make a woman feel sexy. 

Black men have something white guys don’t have anymore: confidence in their masculinity, their sexuality. They clearly know they’re men. White men appear to be waiting for the latest sociological research study to let them know if they are men or not. Yet black men are gentlemen, something else white men no longer are. They make me feel like a woman, both respected and desired. I can let go of my inhibitions, my need to control, when I am with them. How many white men can treat a woman like a lady and ravish her too?

I often felt in my White Period that only during heated sex does that little layer of air bubbles between me and the world pop and disappear, leaving me open to intimate connection. It takes a lot of friction for two white people to get that close. These black men, so alive with erotic electricity, cut through the bubbles with a touch, a caress, a kissand they free meand I can truly touch them. I am like a pampered passenger in a Porsche with an expert driver at the wheel. I know I could suggest a route change, but I never really want to do that. On the other hand, the last time I had sex with a white man, we slogged along a bumpy road in a really old VW, the driver like the typical bumbling tv husband who would neither ask for nor accept the directions he badly needed.

My current lover, a handsome businessman, seduced me via eye contact at a neighborhood bar while I was eating burgers with a friend. Without saying a word, he paid the compliments, asked the questions with his expressive eyes. He didn’t move over to sit beside me and ask if he could buy me a drink until he knew the time was right. Both soft-spoken and assertive, he has impeccable manners and charm. I was kissing him in a cab 30 minutes after that drink.

On another night in that same bar, a different black man, an artist, knelt and kissed my knees.

I am sure there must be some black men who aren’t good in bed. Personally, I have not experienced one who isn’t. (True, I am not dating down the socioeconomic ladder, but I didn’t do that when I dated white either, so the racial comparisons seem valid and fair.) They look better than white men, they touch and kiss and make love better than white men. Statistically, their penises are only a fraction of an inch bigger on average, but they seem bigger and harder.

White men over 40 have lost their waistlines and their zest for lifeif they ever had it. They carry resentments, grudges and extra pounds in their basketball bellies. Perhaps a good part of that bloat is unhappiness. Even the thin ones look flabby somehow and deeply aggrieved. They nurse the smallest perceived slight longer than their double shots of Scotch. Surely our culture as much as biology turns them into softer, spongier, less-interesting versions of their youthful selves just at the point where women and black men and other minorities are emerging strong. Society overvalues the white man, leaving him angry and bitter when he realizes, around age 40, that he’s not all that.

With the exception of some Italians, white men don’t turn me on anymore.

That admission puts me in the same category as the older man only interested primarily or exclusively in young women. While women my age scowl and frown at these aging, Upper West Side Boomers pushing strollers as the hand of the thin, blonde wife 20 years their junior rests lightly on their arm, I feel a kinship with the old goats. We are the same, me and that bald white guy, drawn to the exotic other, not caring that the object of our desire has no childhood memory of a Kennedy assassination or a typical WASP Sunday dinner of over-roasted beef, lumpy mashed potatoes and soggy vegetables.

Analyze the roots of attractions all you wantlike scientists have doneand you won’t come up with a perfect explanation for why we crave what we do. Desire rises from our depths and is gloriously oblivious to the good opinion of others. Yet until recently, I pretended that my lust was an equal-opportunity craving, because that seemed like the right thing to do.  

Halfway through the first glass of wine in my last date with a white man, I realized that little clouds of sadness and self-pity were regularly fluffing off his psyche like the dust clouds kicked up by that dirt-smudged “Peanuts” character as he walks through Charlie Brown’s life. This guy was at least mildly depressed, and I wanted to tell him to exercise, lose weight, trim the combover and get interested in something outside yourself. I would have walked out on him immediately, but he seemed to expect that. I couldn’t deliver the blow to his ego proffered like the naked neck of a martyr to the ax. My Southern cousins would describe his general demeanor as a “hangdog air.” Into the second glass of wine and glancing longingly at the exit, I wanted to hang that dog myself when he mentioned that his face was flushedI hadn’t noticedbecause he’d taken a Viagra “just in case.”

What did he think would entice me more: That he assumed sex was probable because I’m a sex journalistor that he would need chemical help if sex did occur? I cannot even imagine a black man bungling an attempted seduction in such a sad way. That was my last token white guy. I recently came out of my racial-preference closet and told my friends, “I love black men. I’m not attracted to white men over 40, and I’m not dating them anymore. Really, it’s not them, it’s me. Nobody was surprised.

Source

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“There’s a phenomenon sweeping the African American community: Black men traveling to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic for sex. A new book Don’t Blame It on Rio: The Real Deal Behind Why Men Go to Brazil for Sex (Grand Central Publishing, April 2008) by Jewel Woods and Karen Hunter attempts to get to the heart of this issue and show that it’s bigger than “getting some.” More than Words spoke with Woods who also founded the Renaissance Male Project, a nonprofit advocacy and accountability organization for men and boys. Check out this eye-opening, eyebrow-raising interview with Woods about sex, love, and the widening divide between African American men and women.”

“More than Words: The idea for Don’t Blame it on Rio stemmed from the question, “Are black women necessary?” What factors contributed to this point in time when such a question even exists?

Jewel Woods: To be specific, the question “Are black women necessary?” was the direct result of what many men were asking or raising explicitly. In a broader sense, the question is rooted in the social facts that we are all aware of regarding the decline in marriage, the high rates of divorce and separation, the disproportionate rates of inter-racial marriage, and so on. However, most discussions about black men, marriage and relationships focus on poor and working poor men and their inability to be providers or the “strain” of not being able to assume traditional roles within the family. Very few discussion look at the group of black men with stable jobs or the group commonly referred to as the Love Jones Cohort that are increasingly single and living alone to examine what their issues are with building and sustaining long term relationships.

So taking a more expansive view, the question “Are black women necessary?” seeks to address the question: If men are not thinking of black women as partners, spouses, or as being in long term relationships, then what are they thinking of black women as? More importantly, what attitudes, belief systems, and values will replace the historical roles women played in men’s lives?”

“MTW: For those who aren’t aware of the phenomenon that your book addresses, can you provide a quick overview?

JW: In a very real sense, the book is about how Brazil has become the new “North” representing “freedom and liberation” in the minds and imaginations of many black men. In particular, the book is about why some of the most coveted and accomplished men in the African American community are increasingly taking physical, and often emotional, and psychological trips away from America and from black women. In the book, middle class and profession black men talk candidly about what they feel like they are denied in America by whites and from women, and how important their experiences and their interactions with women from other cultures becomes in their lives. The book looks at various aspects of black men’s lives to see how black men and women got to this point and what the implications are for our community. In general, the book examines the complexity and contradictions of black men by exploring the burgeoning phenomenon of sex tourism in Brazil and other locations.

MTW: How is this phenomenon affecting the African American community?

JW: Professionals that work with families will say that in many instances, the involvement of a third party can help decrease anxiety between two parties by spreading that tension through a third relationship. That’s why a therapist or a clinician can be helpful to dissipate some of the tension and anxiety that emerges among couples. The problem with Brazil as the third party in the relationship between black men and women, is that as a country, and/or as the other women, Brazil is casting a shadow that is so large in the minds and imaginations of black men that it is unleashing emotional forces that don’t allow men to see what their true issues are. So while Brazil may allow black men to let off steam about what they feel about America and black women, it also freezes those issues in place by not requiring that they deal with issues. As a result, black men and women appear to be caught in this emotional, cultural, sexual triangle with Brazil serving as the backdrop.

In the short run, what appears to happen after men take these trips, is that they come back with new perspectives on relationships, on sex and sexuality, on America, on other black men, and certainly on black women. In the long run we don’t know yet how the black community will be affected by the experiences men have overseas. In fact, it may be quite a while before we can fully assess the depth and impact of this phenomenon. Overall, I believe this phenomenon is affecting men by providing a safety valve for them to hide issues that they have in their relationships with black women in America. For women, these experiences overseas create a powerful alternative to the very idea of black women and their role in long term relationships in men’s lives. There has never been a time when black women were considered a-sexual or frigid and it not be attributed to their age. Similarly, there has never been a time when a group of women who were “neither black nor white” could capture the image of beauty so completely the way that Brazilian women have. Black men do not have to feel guilty by choosing white women. The old adage “Once you go black you never go back” has been replaced with a new adage of “Once you go to Brazil you will have to come back again.”

MTW: What are the most significant reasons why black men are traveling to places like Brazil for sex?

From the Preface of Don’t Blame it on Rio:
At a minimum, black men make trips overseas for physical reasons that include sex. However, many have experienced a level of physical and sexual intimacy, a sort of sexual healing, that they see as lacking in many of their current relationships with black women. They also make these trips for cultural reasons. They describe a deep embrace and recognition to a people, a time and a land that they do not get here in the United States and do not see in black women. Most importantly, these men increasingly travel overseas because of a profound sense of identity that they find and create on these trips. So what they ultimately end up paying for is access to an elite male experience, and intercourse with a set of beliefs and ideas about black manhood that they think are denied to them by black women in America. The problem is that during these journeys, sometimes consciously but also unconsciously, black men are led further away from black women–not just physically, but also emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

JW: In their attempt to understand and sometimes justify their actions, these men also begin to develop some of the most sophisticated, demeaning, and denigrating ideas about black women in the process. The result, many African American men do not see black women in the roles that they did during the times when a commitment to the black family was less volitional. In the end, their conclusion is that black women are no longer necessary.

So the title of the book is very misleading in a way. It is difficult to talk about sex tourism and not mention sex, but the book is much more about sexuality than it is about sex. Consequently, it would be a huge mistake for anybody–especially black women–to assume that men travel overseas just to get their “freak on.” Some men may even argue that it’s all about sex, but it’s not correct. In fact, the belief or attitude that black men travel thousands of miles for what they could easily get here in the U.S. is precisely the contradiction that the book seeks to explore.

So despite the title of the book, I would caution anyone to think that men are guided solely or mainly by their little head, rather than their big head. If nothing else, this book explores two prevalent myths in today’s culture about black men: 1) black men don’t think, and 2) black men don’t talk. On the contrary, most of these men highlighted in this book are deeply reflective, opinionated and articulate about their experiences and beliefs about America and black women. This is one of the main reasons why they are so important, because they create some of the most sophisticated explanations and justifications for their experiences. So to conclude that this is all about sex is to conflate why black men feel conflicted in America and in their relationships with black women in the first place, and to ignore the reasons why men continue to go back year after year, sometimes re-locating there.

Finally, I believe that it is less painful to believe that men travel thousands of miles for sex, than it is to consider that these physical trip overseas actually reflect something more substantial, like the possibility of a more emotional, psychological, and spiritual trip away from black women. However, this is exactly why these men’s stories in the book should not be easily dismissed or discarded.

MTW: What do black men feel like they’re not getting from black women at home?

JW: The dilemma is that part of what men feel like they are not getting from black women is also connected with what they feel like they are not getting from America as well.

Based on some of the things that men discuss in the book, many men feel like they are not getting a chance to be seen as individuals by black women. Either because of the past histories that black women had with other men that was the source of their pain or frustration, or because of the fact that because these men are now a part of a class that has supposedly “made it,” they feel like they are idealized or objectified.

Men also seem to feel like they are not getting the type of physical and emotional care that they think they need and deserve. For a class of black men that work at some of the highest levels of America there is a feeling that they want peace in their household. I point out in the chapter “She Acts Like A Man” that men may confuse peace with submission, but there is a sense that black men want their homes to be different than their work environment. In other areas, black men seem to want black women to be physically smaller, they want black women to be more exploratory in their sexuality and a host of other things.”

I think without realizing it , the author of this book brings to our attention just how broken and screwed up we are as a race, and our men are becoming less and less useful to US, not the other way around. Most Brazilians will admit to you in a heartbeat that their exotic looks and body is mostly due to the fact that they are mulatto’s with BLACK blood. This is the same as white men traveling to Asia so they can buy $5 whores and underage girls for sexual thrills. Yet white women are safe from the fears that we black women have because society has always put them on a pedestal.

I have always dated black and white men, and I have no regrets about it. I find myself attracted more to white men much more lately because their more exciting, open minded, intellectually curious, and I don’t have to hear the sad stories of baby mama drama, money woes, and legal troubles. Plus, let’s be honest, if your an independent, intelligent, and attractive black women, there simply aren’t enough quality black men left that you can relate to, unless you choose to pull a Karrine Steffans (aka Supahead) and become their caretaker., and the ones that are qualified usually wants to “upgrade” to women of other races other than their own. I am sure many successful black men feel the same way, the problem is many of the brothas you see dating non-black women aren’t all successful, educated, or some kind of brilliant man. They are just regular joes who let society make their decisions on who and what kind of women is considered attractive.

Times are changing and the demise of our racial unity is clear and evident. I am begging all black women to open their minds and start thinking about happiness, security, health, love, trust, and respect. You can easily find this with a brother or a white man, if your patient, stop having so many kids too soon, open your mind emotionally and culturally, and make yourself independently secure without expecting a man to do it for you. Don’t be shy and insecure about dating ourside of your race, and don’t be afraid to demand more of yourself as a black woman. I am incredibly disappointed in black men but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love, honor, and respect them also. If you think that I am bitter and just making this up just take a look around and see this NOT a trend and becoming mainstream and common. Deal with it girlfriend.

ENTIRE 2 PART INTERVIEW & SOURCE

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