This is a classic case of a divorce gone really bad. Nas and Kelis’ financial
drama is gettin’ spread across the internet like crazy. Kelis is upset that she can’t afford the Gucci, Prada and Fendi while lounging in a private jet anymore. Pop the hood for more dirty money details
Kelis claims estranged hubby Nas has left her high and dry … not offering her a penny in the wake of her impending birth … and she says she’s broke — “I have run out of money.”

Kelis filed legal papers claiming Nas isn’t paying her support, pre-natal expenses — nothing, even though she claims he is filthy rich.

Kelis is asking the judge to order Nas to pay spousal support, child support, all pregnancy-related expenses, and one-half of all medical expenses after the child is born. She also wants $3,500 for the baby nurse after the child’s birth, and $20,000 for strollers, cribs and other baby supplies.

Kelis says, “My survival is based on [Nas'] will at this time. If he does not want to pay for an expense, it does not get paid.” The couple was married in 2003. The baby is due this month.

Kelis and Nas during better days

Kelis says she’s entitled to maintain the lifestyle to which she became accustomed during their marriage — they have five homes, fly first class, go to fancy restaurants, and on and on. Most interesting — “There were many expensive pieces [of jewelry] such as a princess-cut diamond tennis bracelet that was recently appraised for $190,000. My engagement ring is an approximately nine-carat cushion-cut diamond solitaire. I have numerous watches…such as Cartier, Rolex, Frank Muller and Chopard.”

Nas and KelisHer lawyer, disso-queen Laura Wasser, says in a separate declaration she’s asked Nas to ante up some $$$ for Kelis and the unborn baby but he hasn’t responded. So Nas is supposed to be supplying your luxury lifestyle for the rest of your life? Doesn’t sound right to us. We think she needs to worry about the baby and leave the other bullsh*t behind.

That’s a lie. The truth is, I attract about the same percentage of available white men my age (and far younger!) now as I did when I was thirtyand that’s not including the unavailable white men who want to play around anyway.

Enough white men want me that I was hardly facing enforced celibacy, but I don’t want them.

I want black men. They want me. We look at one another and exchange a visible frisson of sexual energy in the lingering glances. And our attraction is based first on race. We are not those couples who “happen to fall in love” with someone of a different race or more purposefully come together but out of some greater sense of interracial understanding and respect. Not as politically-correct men and women do we seek one another out. The Internet has made it a lot easier for us to find each other now. Men advertise: ebony seeks ivory. Women write: seeking tall, dark, and handsome. Very dark. We are not the same people who say: Race is not important. It is important to us. We have race-specific desires.

Even in a time when nearly 40 percent of single Americans have dated outside their race, that deliberate seeking of the specific other makes some people, especially black women, damned mad.

We are what they denigrate and castigate: white women and black men who choose one another because of our racial differences. They resent our taking their men. Black men are two and a half times more likely to marry a white woman than a black woman is to marry a white man. Black women can point to that statistic in justifying their wrath. But in truth, black sisters, we’re after the sex, not the ringand these guys aren’t the marrying kind anyway.

Yes, the sex!

The woman who goes after black men is a variant of sex journalist Susie Bright’s “white bitch in heat,” a woman who puts sex first even though women aren’t supposed to do that. According to one school of thought, white women turn to black men when their sex drives kick into higher gear and their social inhibitions recede into the rearview mirror. It’s a “yes, baby, now I’m ready for you” reaction.

When we get to the “yes, baby” place, they know it, and they are ready and waiting for us. Black men have more energy, style and edge than white men. They know how to flirt, a nearly lost art among the rest of us. A black man is so damned sexy because he knows how to make a woman feel sexy. 

Black men have something white guys don’t have anymore: confidence in their masculinity, their sexuality. They clearly know they’re men. White men appear to be waiting for the latest sociological research study to let them know if they are men or not. Yet black men are gentlemen, something else white men no longer are. They make me feel like a woman, both respected and desired. I can let go of my inhibitions, my need to control, when I am with them. How many white men can treat a woman like a lady and ravish her too?

I often felt in my White Period that only during heated sex does that little layer of air bubbles between me and the world pop and disappear, leaving me open to intimate connection. It takes a lot of friction for two white people to get that close. These black men, so alive with erotic electricity, cut through the bubbles with a touch, a caress, a kissand they free meand I can truly touch them. I am like a pampered passenger in a Porsche with an expert driver at the wheel. I know I could suggest a route change, but I never really want to do that. On the other hand, the last time I had sex with a white man, we slogged along a bumpy road in a really old VW, the driver like the typical bumbling tv husband who would neither ask for nor accept the directions he badly needed.

My current lover, a handsome businessman, seduced me via eye contact at a neighborhood bar while I was eating burgers with a friend. Without saying a word, he paid the compliments, asked the questions with his expressive eyes. He didn’t move over to sit beside me and ask if he could buy me a drink until he knew the time was right. Both soft-spoken and assertive, he has impeccable manners and charm. I was kissing him in a cab 30 minutes after that drink.

On another night in that same bar, a different black man, an artist, knelt and kissed my knees.

I am sure there must be some black men who aren’t good in bed. Personally, I have not experienced one who isn’t. (True, I am not dating down the socioeconomic ladder, but I didn’t do that when I dated white either, so the racial comparisons seem valid and fair.) They look better than white men, they touch and kiss and make love better than white men. Statistically, their penises are only a fraction of an inch bigger on average, but they seem bigger and harder.

White men over 40 have lost their waistlines and their zest for lifeif they ever had it. They carry resentments, grudges and extra pounds in their basketball bellies. Perhaps a good part of that bloat is unhappiness. Even the thin ones look flabby somehow and deeply aggrieved. They nurse the smallest perceived slight longer than their double shots of Scotch. Surely our culture as much as biology turns them into softer, spongier, less-interesting versions of their youthful selves just at the point where women and black men and other minorities are emerging strong. Society overvalues the white man, leaving him angry and bitter when he realizes, around age 40, that he’s not all that.

With the exception of some Italians, white men don’t turn me on anymore.

That admission puts me in the same category as the older man only interested primarily or exclusively in young women. While women my age scowl and frown at these aging, Upper West Side Boomers pushing strollers as the hand of the thin, blonde wife 20 years their junior rests lightly on their arm, I feel a kinship with the old goats. We are the same, me and that bald white guy, drawn to the exotic other, not caring that the object of our desire has no childhood memory of a Kennedy assassination or a typical WASP Sunday dinner of over-roasted beef, lumpy mashed potatoes and soggy vegetables.

Analyze the roots of attractions all you wantlike scientists have doneand you won’t come up with a perfect explanation for why we crave what we do. Desire rises from our depths and is gloriously oblivious to the good opinion of others. Yet until recently, I pretended that my lust was an equal-opportunity craving, because that seemed like the right thing to do.  

Halfway through the first glass of wine in my last date with a white man, I realized that little clouds of sadness and self-pity were regularly fluffing off his psyche like the dust clouds kicked up by that dirt-smudged “Peanuts” character as he walks through Charlie Brown’s life. This guy was at least mildly depressed, and I wanted to tell him to exercise, lose weight, trim the combover and get interested in something outside yourself. I would have walked out on him immediately, but he seemed to expect that. I couldn’t deliver the blow to his ego proffered like the naked neck of a martyr to the ax. My Southern cousins would describe his general demeanor as a “hangdog air.” Into the second glass of wine and glancing longingly at the exit, I wanted to hang that dog myself when he mentioned that his face was flushedI hadn’t noticedbecause he’d taken a Viagra “just in case.”

What did he think would entice me more: That he assumed sex was probable because I’m a sex journalistor that he would need chemical help if sex did occur? I cannot even imagine a black man bungling an attempted seduction in such a sad way. That was my last token white guy. I recently came out of my racial-preference closet and told my friends, “I love black men. I’m not attracted to white men over 40, and I’m not dating them anymore. Really, it’s not them, it’s me. Nobody was surprised.

Source

“There’s a phenomenon sweeping the African American community: Black men traveling to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic for sex. A new book Don’t Blame It on Rio: The Real Deal Behind Why Men Go to Brazil for Sex (Grand Central Publishing, April 2008) by Jewel Woods and Karen Hunter attempts to get to the heart of this issue and show that it’s bigger than “getting some.” More than Words spoke with Woods who also founded the Renaissance Male Project, a nonprofit advocacy and accountability organization for men and boys. Check out this eye-opening, eyebrow-raising interview with Woods about sex, love, and the widening divide between African American men and women.”

“More than Words: The idea for Don’t Blame it on Rio stemmed from the question, “Are black women necessary?” What factors contributed to this point in time when such a question even exists?

Jewel Woods: To be specific, the question “Are black women necessary?” was the direct result of what many men were asking or raising explicitly. In a broader sense, the question is rooted in the social facts that we are all aware of regarding the decline in marriage, the high rates of divorce and separation, the disproportionate rates of inter-racial marriage, and so on. However, most discussions about black men, marriage and relationships focus on poor and working poor men and their inability to be providers or the “strain” of not being able to assume traditional roles within the family. Very few discussion look at the group of black men with stable jobs or the group commonly referred to as the Love Jones Cohort that are increasingly single and living alone to examine what their issues are with building and sustaining long term relationships.

So taking a more expansive view, the question “Are black women necessary?” seeks to address the question: If men are not thinking of black women as partners, spouses, or as being in long term relationships, then what are they thinking of black women as? More importantly, what attitudes, belief systems, and values will replace the historical roles women played in men’s lives?”

“MTW: For those who aren’t aware of the phenomenon that your book addresses, can you provide a quick overview?

JW: In a very real sense, the book is about how Brazil has become the new “North” representing “freedom and liberation” in the minds and imaginations of many black men. In particular, the book is about why some of the most coveted and accomplished men in the African American community are increasingly taking physical, and often emotional, and psychological trips away from America and from black women. In the book, middle class and profession black men talk candidly about what they feel like they are denied in America by whites and from women, and how important their experiences and their interactions with women from other cultures becomes in their lives. The book looks at various aspects of black men’s lives to see how black men and women got to this point and what the implications are for our community. In general, the book examines the complexity and contradictions of black men by exploring the burgeoning phenomenon of sex tourism in Brazil and other locations.

MTW: How is this phenomenon affecting the African American community?

JW: Professionals that work with families will say that in many instances, the involvement of a third party can help decrease anxiety between two parties by spreading that tension through a third relationship. That’s why a therapist or a clinician can be helpful to dissipate some of the tension and anxiety that emerges among couples. The problem with Brazil as the third party in the relationship between black men and women, is that as a country, and/or as the other women, Brazil is casting a shadow that is so large in the minds and imaginations of black men that it is unleashing emotional forces that don’t allow men to see what their true issues are. So while Brazil may allow black men to let off steam about what they feel about America and black women, it also freezes those issues in place by not requiring that they deal with issues. As a result, black men and women appear to be caught in this emotional, cultural, sexual triangle with Brazil serving as the backdrop.

In the short run, what appears to happen after men take these trips, is that they come back with new perspectives on relationships, on sex and sexuality, on America, on other black men, and certainly on black women. In the long run we don’t know yet how the black community will be affected by the experiences men have overseas. In fact, it may be quite a while before we can fully assess the depth and impact of this phenomenon. Overall, I believe this phenomenon is affecting men by providing a safety valve for them to hide issues that they have in their relationships with black women in America. For women, these experiences overseas create a powerful alternative to the very idea of black women and their role in long term relationships in men’s lives. There has never been a time when black women were considered a-sexual or frigid and it not be attributed to their age. Similarly, there has never been a time when a group of women who were “neither black nor white” could capture the image of beauty so completely the way that Brazilian women have. Black men do not have to feel guilty by choosing white women. The old adage “Once you go black you never go back” has been replaced with a new adage of “Once you go to Brazil you will have to come back again.”

MTW: What are the most significant reasons why black men are traveling to places like Brazil for sex?

From the Preface of Don’t Blame it on Rio:
At a minimum, black men make trips overseas for physical reasons that include sex. However, many have experienced a level of physical and sexual intimacy, a sort of sexual healing, that they see as lacking in many of their current relationships with black women. They also make these trips for cultural reasons. They describe a deep embrace and recognition to a people, a time and a land that they do not get here in the United States and do not see in black women. Most importantly, these men increasingly travel overseas because of a profound sense of identity that they find and create on these trips. So what they ultimately end up paying for is access to an elite male experience, and intercourse with a set of beliefs and ideas about black manhood that they think are denied to them by black women in America. The problem is that during these journeys, sometimes consciously but also unconsciously, black men are led further away from black women–not just physically, but also emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

JW: In their attempt to understand and sometimes justify their actions, these men also begin to develop some of the most sophisticated, demeaning, and denigrating ideas about black women in the process. The result, many African American men do not see black women in the roles that they did during the times when a commitment to the black family was less volitional. In the end, their conclusion is that black women are no longer necessary.

So the title of the book is very misleading in a way. It is difficult to talk about sex tourism and not mention sex, but the book is much more about sexuality than it is about sex. Consequently, it would be a huge mistake for anybody–especially black women–to assume that men travel overseas just to get their “freak on.” Some men may even argue that it’s all about sex, but it’s not correct. In fact, the belief or attitude that black men travel thousands of miles for what they could easily get here in the U.S. is precisely the contradiction that the book seeks to explore.

So despite the title of the book, I would caution anyone to think that men are guided solely or mainly by their little head, rather than their big head. If nothing else, this book explores two prevalent myths in today’s culture about black men: 1) black men don’t think, and 2) black men don’t talk. On the contrary, most of these men highlighted in this book are deeply reflective, opinionated and articulate about their experiences and beliefs about America and black women. This is one of the main reasons why they are so important, because they create some of the most sophisticated explanations and justifications for their experiences. So to conclude that this is all about sex is to conflate why black men feel conflicted in America and in their relationships with black women in the first place, and to ignore the reasons why men continue to go back year after year, sometimes re-locating there.

Finally, I believe that it is less painful to believe that men travel thousands of miles for sex, than it is to consider that these physical trip overseas actually reflect something more substantial, like the possibility of a more emotional, psychological, and spiritual trip away from black women. However, this is exactly why these men’s stories in the book should not be easily dismissed or discarded.

MTW: What do black men feel like they’re not getting from black women at home?

JW: The dilemma is that part of what men feel like they are not getting from black women is also connected with what they feel like they are not getting from America as well.

Based on some of the things that men discuss in the book, many men feel like they are not getting a chance to be seen as individuals by black women. Either because of the past histories that black women had with other men that was the source of their pain or frustration, or because of the fact that because these men are now a part of a class that has supposedly “made it,” they feel like they are idealized or objectified.

Men also seem to feel like they are not getting the type of physical and emotional care that they think they need and deserve. For a class of black men that work at some of the highest levels of America there is a feeling that they want peace in their household. I point out in the chapter “She Acts Like A Man” that men may confuse peace with submission, but there is a sense that black men want their homes to be different than their work environment. In other areas, black men seem to want black women to be physically smaller, they want black women to be more exploratory in their sexuality and a host of other things.”

I think without realizing it , the author of this book brings to our attention just how broken and screwed up we are as a race, and our men are becoming less and less useful to US, not the other way around. Most Brazilians will admit to you in a heartbeat that their exotic looks and body is mostly due to the fact that they are mulatto’s with BLACK blood. This is the same as white men traveling to Asia so they can buy $5 whores and underage girls for sexual thrills. Yet white women are safe from the fears that we black women have because society has always put them on a pedestal.

I have always dated black and white men, and I have no regrets about it. I find myself attracted more to white men much more lately because their more exciting, open minded, intellectually curious, and I don’t have to hear the sad stories of baby mama drama, money woes, and legal troubles. Plus, let’s be honest, if your an independent, intelligent, and attractive black women, there simply aren’t enough quality black men left that you can relate to, unless you choose to pull a Karrine Steffans (aka Supahead) and become their caretaker., and the ones that are qualified usually wants to “upgrade” to women of other races other than their own. I am sure many successful black men feel the same way, the problem is many of the brothas you see dating non-black women aren’t all successful, educated, or some kind of brilliant man. They are just regular joes who let society make their decisions on who and what kind of women is considered attractive.

Times are changing and the demise of our racial unity is clear and evident. I am begging all black women to open their minds and start thinking about happiness, security, health, love, trust, and respect. You can easily find this with a brother or a white man, if your patient, stop having so many kids too soon, open your mind emotionally and culturally, and make yourself independently secure without expecting a man to do it for you. Don’t be shy and insecure about dating ourside of your race, and don’t be afraid to demand more of yourself as a black woman. I am incredibly disappointed in black men but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love, honor, and respect them also. If you think that I am bitter and just making this up just take a look around and see this NOT a trend and becoming mainstream and common. Deal with it girlfriend.

ENTIRE 2 PART INTERVIEW & SOURCE